How often do I say I’m excited for a post? Honestly, pretty much every single post. But, I am extra excited about today’s *photo heavy* post featuring one of my closest friends, Liz.
Liz and I have known each other for over two years and we met while working at Victoria’s Secret together. She has since moved on to a different company, but we still kept in touch and have built a really strong friendship.
If we’re being honest, I don’t have many friends in my life. I’ve been burned in the past and it’s made me quite jaded. I normally keep to myself and keep the wall up when I meet new people and I rarely let people in. So the friendships I do have in my life are very strong and very important to me.
Liz & I constantly talk about my blog and she is incredibly supportive. She’s not a blogger herself so I really appreciate her point of view and how she challenges me to look at things outside of the “blogger bubble.” She’s a fellow only child so we bond over our “only child-ness” even though she’s weirdly extroverted. She used to always joke and ask me when she would be featured on the blog or the gram so I figured she would be the best guest for a Galentine’s Day post where I share what I consider the 5 most important rules of friendship.
5 Rules of Friendship:
BE HONEST… ABOUT EVERYTHING
If you’ve read any of my past posts about friendship and relationships then you probably know that honesty is the most important thing to me. I had an experience in the past where my close friends would smile to my face and act like everything was fine and then behind my back would share their true feelings and speak really poorly about me. It’s something that hurt me so much and one of the reasons why I’m so jaded when it comes to friendships. So, honesty is so incredibly important if you want to have a genuine relationship with someone.
I think if someone is a true and genuine friend, you should be able to be honest with them about everything. I know that if I ask Liz for feedback on my Instagram or what she thinks of a blog idea that she’s going to give me her real opinion. And she knows that if she asks for my opinion on something she wants to buy or is wearing that I’m going to be honest. But, deeper than that, I know she’ll call me out on my BS and vice versa.
My point is, if someone is a true friend, you don’t have to worry that you don’t know what they’re thinking or that they’re thinking something different than what they are telling you because they will actually just tell you to your face. You should be able to be honest with your friends and tackle issues head on rather than running around telling everyone what you think of someone rather than telling that someone.
Can you tell I have PTSD from my past friendships? Rant over.
It’s nooooooooo secret that I am an awful texter. I think I’m in the mood to have text conversations maybe once a month. Sometimes I’m just busy with my weekly routine and so exhausted by the end of the day that I just don’t want to talk. And sometimes, I get in these moods where I just want to isolate myself. It’s just me. I prefer a phone call to a text and I prefer being in the moment than having a phone glued to my hand. I’m weird, I know. It’s truly nothing personal. It’s just me. It’s self preservation. It’s self-care. It’s just me.
I had a friend who would get so mad at me for not texting and would constantly and repeatedly text me and be mad at me and this was at the height of my depression. And when I would text her back she would just be stand offish and mad and rag on me for not texting.
So, I think being a good friend is taking the time to understand your friend and understand what they need or why they do what they do.
Last week, I was super stressed and anxious and apparently I wear my emotions on my sleeve because even through gchat, Liz could tell. She literally said to me “I can feel your nervous vibes via gchat.” I was floored!! But, more than that, I was really blown away that she called me out on it, let me work through my emotions, offered her support and then moved on rather than getting mad at me or making it about her.
BE THEIR BIGGEST FAN
Shoutout to all my friends who believe in me and build me up when I’m not strong enough to believe in myself.
A few noteworthy shoutouts:
Dana & I have known each other for almost a decade and have seen each other at our best and at our worst. But, through all that, she is one of my most thoughtful and supportive friends. Anytime I feel down about anything from blogging to dealing with my anxiety, she is always there to build me up and knows when I need tough love or gentle encouragement.
My work wife Anna & I have known each other for more than 2 years and have grown so close. At the end of last year and still to this day, I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety. She was the one who really pushed me to open up about it and help me normalize it so I wouldn’t feel crazy and wouldn’t feel so stuck in my head. And she’s also really become a mentor for me professionally.
Remember when I said I was super anxious last week? I really couldn’t have gotten through the week if it wasn’t for Liz. She really built me up and encouraged me during every single one of my breakdowns. We have an interesting friendship dynamic because we’re always joking around and making fun of one another. We’re rarely cheesy and emotional, but every now and then we have those much needed deep conversations and I always walk away appreciating our friendship even more.
My point is, a true friend builds you up and supports you no matter what. If you want to be a unicorn then I’m going to support you in that. If you don’t know how to boil water, but suddenly want to be a chef then I’m going to support you in that.
BE A GOOD LISTENER & SAVE THE JUDGEMENT
Boy troubles, work troubles, life troubles…. sometimes you just need to complain and rant. And if you can’t do that with a friend, then who can you do it with??
At work, we have this mandatory ethics workshop we have to take and in it, we learn about “actively listening.” Basically, being engaged in what someone is saying and not thinking about what you are going to say in response. And I think a good friend is someone who actively listens. Who lets you rant and cry and scream and just get it all out.
And more than that, they let you do all that without passing judgement. We can all agree that we want to be able to open up to our friends and tell them our most inner thoughts without worrying if they’re going to judge us. I never push my friends to open up if they don’t want to. Sometimes, you want to keep it in and establish your own opinion and work through it how you want before you open up. But, I do try to make it clear that I’m always willing to offer an ear and I would never judge. I may not agree with something you say or do, but I will support you either way.
I also think being a good friend is knowing what your friend needs during a rant. Sometimes it’s advice and sometimes they don’t want advice and they just want you to listen so I think it’s important to not only be a good listener, but also to pick up on their cues.
BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF
I think we can all admit that we’ve had friends in our life where we felt the need to cater to them or be someone we weren’t around them. And you walk away at the end of the day feeling gross and weird.
But, around your friends, you should be able to be yourself. You should be the best version of yourself. Personally, I am incredibly sarcastic. My jokes are self deprecating. I always try to find the humor in every situation because that’s what helps me get through the day. And I call it as I see it. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I get it. But, I’m comfortable enough around my friends where I can be myself. I can be as sarcastic as I want and they are not going to run the other way or get offended.
Just like you can’t change a boy, you can’t change who a friend is as a person so either take them or leave them. And if you feel like you can’t be yourself around someone then maybe it’s not the right fit. And that’s okay.
I hope you enjoyed today’s post & today’s guest. I had so much fun planning and shooting this rules of friendship post with Liz and I’m so excited to see the finished product.
Thank you so much for reading & stopping by.